I guess it had to come to this. After all, the homosexual activists and their secular left supporters have been telling us for years now that marriage can be anything you want it to be. They have made it perfectly clear that mere gender has nothing to do with marriage, so why should paltry matters like number make any difference either?
We now know that marriage equality is everyone’s right, and we dare not allow prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness to come in the way of real love. So if you happen to be head over heels in love with yourself, then who are we to deny you your right to marry?
Only some religious cavemen would dare to deny the autoerotic their rights. Only some fundamentalist nut job would keep self-love banned and hidden in the closet. Only an ugly bigot would deny any person their right to marry themself.
And as usual, I am not making this up folks. Here is the story: “Here comes the single bride. Last week, Nadine Schweigert married herself in a symbolic wedding ceremony. The 36-year-old divorced mom of three wore blue satin and clutched a bouquet of white roses as she walked down the aisle before a gathering of 45 friends and family members in Fargo, North Dakota.
“She vowed to ‘to enjoy inhabiting my own life and to relish a lifelong love affair with my beautiful self,’ reports Fargo’s InForum newspaper. After the ring was exchanged with the bride and her inner-groom, guests were encouraged to ‘blow kisses at the world,’ and later, eat cake.
“Schweigert, who followed the ceremony with a solo honeymoon in New Orleans, claims the wedding was her way of showing the world she’s learned to love and accept herself as a woman flying solo. ‘I was waiting for someone to come along and make me happy,’ she told reporter Tammy Swift . ‘At some point, a friend said, “Why do you need someone to marry you to be happy? Marry yourself”.’
“Not everyone was in agreement. Some of Schweigert’s friends, who’d undoubtedly seen Carrie Bradshaw register for a pair of Manolos on season 6 of Sex and the City, thought she was going a little far with the single pride thing. Schweigert’s 11-year-old son was her biggest critic: ‘He said, “I love you, but I’m embarrassed for you right now”’.”
And she has other supporters. Piper Weiss, Shine Senior Features Editor wrote this: “I believe everyone has the right to marry, regardless of sexual preference. For some people being alone is what feels most natural. Shouldn’t they too be entitled to tax breaks?
“Don’t they get a moment in the spotlight, the chance to rationalize a way-too-expensive dress, the two weeks off from work unquestioned, the ridiculous kitchen appliances they’d never have bought for themselves? It’s time we did away with the stigma of ‘old maids’ and the belief that you’re not really complete without a partner. Some people are actually proud of their solo relationship status and even ready to commit to it.
“Maybe if more people could reap the benefits of a wedding without a partner, there would be a lower national divorce rate. And while we’re on the subject of weddings, consider the benefits of a one-person affair. No dueling families, no massive guest list, no pre-wedding am-I-doing-the-right-thing meltdowns. It may seem indulgent to plan a big reception for yourself, but imagine how much less stressful it would be for your guests? They can all bring dates. Nobody’s seated with strangers and forced to ask ‘do you know the bride or the groom?’”
So there you have it folks. Thanks to the sexual revolution of the 60s, and the bigger counterculture it was part of, we are finally getting some real liberation and equality here. It took a while, but we are finally making some real progress in this area.
Of course the conservative fuddy duddies will be spitting chips, and will be whining about slippery slopes and the like, but that is their problem. Real love of course knows no bounds. Real love should always be recognised, celebrated, endorsed and supported by the state.
After all, that is only fair. We must end all blatant discrimination here, and offer genuine equal rights to all lovers of all stripes. Love is the only thing that matters, not out-dated religious prejudices and ugly bigotry. Genuine marriage equality must happen, and must happen now.
We must stamp out this blight of autolovephobia. It has no place in a civilised society. All such phobia must be seen for what it really is: hate speech. As such it is a hate crime which must face the full force of the law. No civilised society can allow such vile hatred and bigotry to continue.
Autophiles have as much right to love and marry as anyone else. We demand the government at once set up a high-level government ministry dedicated to the well being of autophiles. We need a cabinet minister of autophilia, and all discrimination laws must ensure that every last vestige of autophobia is wiped out.
And while we are at it, I demand the right to marry my bookshelves.