Fathers and Sons

All you need is love – but it must be real love:

We all as believers know – or should know – the wonderful closing passage of the Old Testament. In the last OT book in the last chapter and the last two verses we read: “Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the great and awesome day of the Lord comes. And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction” (Malachi 4:5-6).

That is a wonderful promise indeed, yet how many fathers – and mothers – have felt that they have utterly failed when it comes to being good parents? I know I have. The most important thing any man can proudly look back upon is having been a great father to his children. The most important thing any woman can proudly look back upon is having been a great mother to her children.

Sometimes simply reiterating over and over again basic and fundamental truths cannot go amiss. So here I want to address this issue of good parenting by appealing to some new thoughts (on an older song), as well as some older things I have already written on this topic.

The stimulus for this article is this: I had recently penned a piece on how parental actions and words have such a profound impact on children. We can really help or harm them, in good measure by what we say and how we say it. That piece is found here: https://billmuehlenberg.com/2025/11/18/the-powerful-impact-of-parents-and-their-words/

One of the comments that came in was this: “This song still brings forth mixed emotion raising two sons plus being a shift worker not being there much of the time. Who can forget this tear jerker from Harry Chapin, Cats in the Cradle.”

I did not pay much attention to that comment when I first posted it, but a few days later, rereading it, I decided I needed to revisit that song. The truth is, I was of course aware of this 1974 hit song when it first appeared, but it had little impact on me. Back then it was not of much interest for me. This was mainly because I was not a father in those days.

I am of course a dad now. So I did an online search, looking up the lyrics, and then I listened to it afresh. Yes indeed, it brought me to tears. I often have thought that I have been more or less a failure as a father. So the song really hit me. Here are the lyrics:

My child arrived just the other day

He came to the world in the usual way

But there were planes to catch and bills to pay

He learned to walk while I was away

And he was talking ‘fore I knew it and as he grew

He’d say, “I’m gonna be like you, dad

You know, I’m gonna be like you”

 

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon

Little boy blue and the man in the moon

“When you coming home, dad?” “I don’t know when

We’ll get together then, you know we’ll have a good time then”

 

My son turned ten just the other day

He said, “Thanks for the ball, dad, come on, let’s play

Can you teach me to throw?” I said, “Not today

I got a lot to do” he said, “That’s okay”

And he walked away but his smile never dimmed

Said, “I’m gonna be like him, yeah

You know, I’m gonna be like him”

 

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon

Little boy blue and the man in the moon

“When you coming home, dad?” “I don’t know when

We’ll get together then, you know we’ll have a good time then”

 

Well, he came from college just the other day

So much like a man I just had to say

“Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while?”

He shook his head and he said with a smile

“What I’d really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys

See you later, can I have them please?”

 

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon

Little boy blue and the man in the moon

“When you coming home, son?” “I don’t know when

But we’ll get together then, dad, you know we’ll have a good time then”

 

I’ve long since retired and my sons moved away

I called him up just the other day

I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind”

He said, “I’d love to, dad, if I could find the time”

“You see, my new job’s a hassle and the kids got the flu

But it’s sure nice talking to you, dad

It’s been sure nice talking to you”

 

And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me

He’d grown up just like me

My boy was just like me

 

And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon

Little boy blue and the man in the moon

“When you coming home, son?” “I don’t know when

But we’ll get together then, dad, we’re gonna have a good time then”

You can listen to Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puJt66y0TBw

In addition to becoming reacquainted with that old song, some other pieces I have written over the past few years can also be drawn upon here. For example, some years ago I wrote about two recent Hollywood films that touch on these themes of parenting and fatherhood. As I said in one article from last year:

The first involved seeing part of the 2019 film A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood about the famous American children’s television presenter, TV presenter Fred Rogers (1928-2003).

 

I had actually seen this movie with my wife five years ago at the cinema when it first came out. I wrote up my impressions of the film back then: https://billmuehlenberg.com/2020/01/29/hollywood-christianity-and-mr-rogers/

 

In that piece I focussed more on the Christian faith of Rogers, and how the film downplayed that. But seeing it again just days ago, with my wife now gone, I have had a different and more emotional response to the film. In it, Lloyd, a cynical and jaded journalist, is sent to write a story about Rogers. He at first was going to do a hatchet job on him, but as he got to know him, all that changed.

 

Lloyd was estranged from his dad, who was unfaithful while his mother struggled with and died from cancer. His hatred of his dad consumed him and coloured his life. But in the film Rogers befriends Lloyd, and seeks to have him deal with the past, and offer some forgiveness, and so on.

 

In the end he does. But the point is, like millions of people worldwide, a bad or non-existent relationship with a father can have a lifelong negative impact on folks. Being unable to deal with that can lead to all sorts of problems, from drug abuse, gang involvement, to suicide. Rogers, the Presbyterian pastor, was able to point Lloyd in the right direction, and to help him deal with the hole in his soul.

I went on to say this:

Let me mention a line from two films, and then offer a few biblical passages in closing. In the Rogers’ film, Lloyd finally meets up with his father who is now dying. The father admits his many mistakes and faults, asks for forgiveness, and tells Lloyd this: “I have always loved you.”

 

Of interest, it seems the exact same line was used in another film that I also discussed recently. It also had to do with this broad theme of people looking for love and acceptance. In the Steven Spielberg film A.I. a non-human boy who nevertheless has emotions, always seeks to earn the love of his human mother.

 

Centuries later, when the mother is long gone, but the AI boy remains, others are able to bring her back to life, but only for 24 hours. His previous home is recreated, and he spends the day with his mum. She tells him as she is falling to sleep, “I have always loved you.” With those beautiful words the boy falls to sleep next to her, finally at peace. But see more on this here: https://billmuehlenberg.com/2024/03/15/all-you-need-is-love/

 

That movie always brings me to so many deep, deep tears. And in both films, genuine healing and restoration was accomplished when those words were heard: “I have always loved you.” If two Hollywood movies can deal with these fundamental truths and realities, how much more the real and living God? https://billmuehlenberg.com/2024/04/17/beloved-of-god/

And one more story which I have shared several times now. It comes from the South African Christian evangelist Michael Cassidy who had told this moving story:

I remember being deeply moved when I first read the story of the famous James Boswell (1740-94) who became celebrated as a close friend of Samuel Johnson, the writer, philosopher, and wit. Boswell tells in his autobiography of a day when, as a child, his father took him fishing. He records it as the most wonderful and memorable day of his childhood. Later his father’s journals were found and they recorded the father’s commentary on that day in these terms: “Today went fishing with my son. A day totally wasted.” For the father, a day of totally wasted effort, and for the son the highlight of his childhood.

So, a Chapin song, two Hollywood films, and a Cassidy quote all combine here to really touch me. Maybe these will impact you as well. My children are all grownups now, but some of you might be newish fathers with quite young children.

Either way, it is never too late to seek God to be a better parent – whether for your toddler or teen today, or for your much older children. Like me, you might look back with lots of regrets and heaviness of heart, thinking about all your shortcomings as a parent.

But God can work even in those sorts of situations. As we are reminded in the book of Joel, God is able to restore to us the years that the locusts have destroyed (Joel 2:25). We cannot undo the past, but we can start today to seek to be better fathers and better mothers – whether for newborns or for children in their 30s or 40s.

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