Dealing With Betrayal and Fake Friends

When people turn on you and treat you like dirt:

We all have experienced things like betrayal, being stabbed in the back, being demonised by those we thought were our friends, and so on. It of course hurts deeply when this happens. And if you are a Christian, you fully expect this from the enemies of the gospel, but it especially hurts when it comes from fellow ‘Christians’.

Sadly, so-called Christ-followers seem to be just as able and willing to turn on other Christians and do them wrong as any non-believer. And this is not something we should be surprised at. We simply need to read Scripture, and we see this happening time and time again.

Consider just two obvious Old Testament examples. In the book of Genesis we read about how the brothers of Joseph turned on him, wanted to have him killed, and finally sold him into slavery. So here we have even family members engaged in this evil betrayal and hatred!

Or recall how King Saul was consumed by hatred and jealousy over young David and his success and sought to have him betrayed and even killed. But of course the ultimate example of the betrayal of the innocent by the guilty is our Lord and what he endured. Even his own disciples would turn on him and abandon him in his hour of need. As I wrote 11 years ago:

Unlike all of us, who so often deserve what we get from others, Jesus deserved none of it. He was the perfect, loving, gracious Son of God who could do no wrong, yet his own still shafted him. It is a good thing he did not respond as most of us respond.

 

So he is our model here. He is our example. He showed us the way forward. He demonstrated for us how we are to respond to our enemies, our betrayers, our attackers. So look to Jesus on how to react when the haters come and the betrayers do their worst.

 

I certainly have to keep learning this. I still hurt from things done to me ages ago. But real Christianity is being Christlike in times when that is the hardest thing to do – or to even want to do. So please keep standing strong. Don’t renounce the faith. Don’t pull into a shell. Don’t be corrupted by bitterness and a refusal to forgive. Instead, move on, with the help and grace of God. https://billmuehlenberg.com/2015/08/29/on-dealing-with-betrayal-and-rejection/  

A recent example

Some of you know that I was booted off Facebook a few weeks ago. And it was not the first time this happened, but it seems it will now be final. They are on to me, and will not let me back on, even if I claim to be Mark Zuckerberg! And in all these cases of being permanently banned, not one word was mentioned as to what my crimes were. Not a peep! There one day, gone the next.

The first major exile that happened to me some five years ago meant that I not only lost everything I had posted there, but some 4500 friends as well. And the latest ban meant losing 1500 friends. Many of them seem to be now gone forever. I have gone on to X and am getting some of them back, but many old FB friends I do not even recall their full names and other details. So I am grieving over losing so many great contacts.

In both cases I am pretty certain that I was kicked off because someone reported me. I can only guess why they did this to me. This first time it occurred I was standing against the Covid craziness and medical tyranny. While I tried to be careful and only have friends I could trust, it seems not all of them were so trustworthy.

And on the day I was booted off just weeks ago I had been posting on Trump’s SOTU address and calling out the dangerous loons Candace and Tucker. It seems there are a whole lot of Trump- and Jew-haters and Owens- and Carlson-lovers on FB, even among those claiming to be my friend.

So no matter how cautious you are, some “friends” may well turn on you. Again, I cannot prove it, but I am sure a few haters who pretend to be conservatives or Christians did indeed report me and now are quite happy to see me gone. For the one(s) who did this, all I can do is pray for you. You likely have some real issues to deal with.

And as I have been saying, I am now fully active on X (Twitter) and I hope that many of you will join me there.

As to X, I had been on there for some 17 years but never really used it, although all my CW articles would automatically get posted there. When I looked at my page there three weeks ago I noted that over 1600 people were following me, but I was following none – oops! I now have almost 600 people that I am following, and there are nearly 1800 following me.

While I still miss so many old FB friends, I am pleased to meet so many new and like-minded friends here. (If you are still on FB, can you alert folks to my situation?) Of course it is always possible someone may dislike me on X and seek to have me booted off. At the end of the day it is a spiritual war, and prayer is always needed.

But God may have allowed me to be dumped from one social media platform just to get me active on another. So I am trusting God to use my time on X to continue the ministry he has given me. While some old FB “friends” may be relishing the fact that they have managed to get me off FB forever, God can use this for his own purposes.

Indeed, since I earlier mentioned the story of Joseph, one always thinks about what is found in Genesis 50:15-21, especially verses 19-20: “Joseph said to them, ‘Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today’.”

Responding to betrayal

As mentioned, it always hurts deeply when someone you thought was a friend or a fellow Christian is happy to knife you in the back and treat you like dirt. It certainly stinks, but how we respond is crucial. We need to follow Christ here, and not allow hatred, anger and bitterness to overtake us.

Just hours ago a social media friend (on X!) mentioned how he has known rejection and he mentioned one book that stood out for him in this regard: Phil Waldrep’s Beyond Betrayal: Overcome Past Hurts and Begin to Trust Again (Harvest House, 2020).

Thanks Rod. While I do not have the volume, I looked it up, and here is one quote from Waldrep:

There is never any forgiveness without someone getting to pay for it. There is no forgiveness without demanding the cost or paying the cost. That is always the choice you make every day when you look in the mirror: Either I can pay for the wrong, or I can try to make the betrayer pay for it.

 

There is always the choice: I can pay the price—and die to my anger. I can pay the price—and die to my revenge. I can pay the price—and die to my desire to get even and give even the betrayer the grace even I have been given. There is never any forgiveness without someone giving up something to pay for it. There is no forgiveness without demanding the cost—or paying the cost.

 

And the thing is: Every time you try to make someone pay, they are the ones who get to be in charge of your life.

When you try to make someone pay, they dominate your thoughts, they take control of your energy, they seize your heart and mind and time. When you hold your forgiveness ransom until someone pays you back and earns your love, you’re the one whose quality of life gets poorer and poorer.

 

Time is nonrefundable and every betrayal has already stolen so much from you—you can’t betray your own soul by spending another moment on animosity. The betrayal wounded you once. Bitterness now doesn’t get to multiply the wounds. You know it: Wishing another ill will only makes you ill….

Yes, we all will be betrayed, rejected, falsely accused and treated like dirt. But how we deal with it is crucial. That is up to us – and the grace of God. And God certainly is able to give us all the grace we need, if we allow him to do so.

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