What Were We Searching For?

Our search for God – or his search for us:

The longer you are a believer, the more you begin to understand that it was not so much of a case of us seeking after God and finding him, but of God seeking after us and bringing us home to himself. Here I leave aside the big debates about things like election and so on, and simply will speak about ‘man’s search for meaning,’ to borrow the phrase from the book by Viktor Frankl.

While Scripture certainly speaks of God choosing individuals and nations, it also speaks to the idea of seeking God. Just a few passages out of many can be mentioned here:

“I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.” -Proverbs 8:17

“Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near.” -Isaiah 55:6 

“And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.” -Jeremiah 29:13

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” -Hebrews 11:6

But two additional things need to be said here. One, most of these ‘seek me and you will find me’ passages are written to those who are already God’s people. It seems it is often more of a case of them seeking God while in their covenant relationship, and keeping that relationship fresh and living, day by day.

And two, we also have passages like this that we must keep in mind: “As it is written: ‘There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God’” (Romans 3:10-11, citing Psalm 14:2-3 and Psalm 53:2-3).

This is another major truth found in Scripture: as sinners we are spiritually dead. Dead people cannot seek God – or do much of anything else. As Jesus put it in John 6:44: “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them”.

Again, it is not my intention here to start another theological war. But in the end, it is the grace of God that really matters. He reaches down into our messed-up lives and saves us. How much I was actually seeking and searching God is a moot point. But when I get to heaven, I certainly will not be bragging about what a great spiritual search I was on. Instead, I will be forever thanking the Lord for his finding and rescuing me, a lost sinner.

My ‘search’

With all that in mind, I can still say that as an old hippy, I was on a search – of sorts. I was not satisfied with life – or at least not with MY life – and I went down various avenues, including eastern religions, what became known as the New Age Movement, and lots of drugs. None of those things delivered the goods however, leaving me quite depressed and suicidal.

That is when God broke through in a quite unexpected manner. More on that in a moment.

While in my youthful hippy days, I followed closely many of the main rock groups back in the late 60s and early 70s. A number of these groups – but certainly not all – seemed to be on a bit of a search as well. They seemed to have longings and yearnings for something more to life.

As I have written about in other pieces, some seemed to be really looking, such as George Harrison. Recall what he said in My Sweet Lord:

I really want to see you
Really want to be with you
Really want to see you Lord
But it takes so long, my Lord

Check out this piece for more on this: https://billmuehlenberg.com/2025/05/15/a-whole-lotta-searching-going-on/

Another example of this sense of searching was the English group the Moody Blues. A number of their songs can be cited here, including Tuesday Afternoon (1970). The lyrics are these:

Tuesday afternoon
I’m just beginning to see
Now I’m on my way
It doesn’t matter to me
Chasing the clouds away

 

Something calls to me
The trees are drawing me near
I’ve got to find out why
Those gentle voices I hear
Explain it all with a sigh

 

I’m looking at myself reflections of my mind
It’s just the kind of day to leave myself behind
So gently swaying through the fairyland of love
If you’ll just come with me you’ll see the beauty of
Tuesday afternoon
Tuesday afternoon

 

Tuesday afternoon
I’m just beginning to see
Now I’m on my way
It doesn’t matter to me
Chasing the clouds away

 

Something calls to me
The trees are drawing me near
I’ve got to find out why
Those gentle voices I hear
Explain it all with a sigh

You can listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPLWBhNW3FM&list=RDBzij950LLZg&index=4

And then there was Question (1970). Some of the lyrics are these:

Why do we never get an answer,
When we’re knocking at the door.
With a thousand million questions,
About hate and death and war?

‘Cos when we stop and look around us,
There is nothing that we need.
In a world of persecution,
That is burning in its greed.
Aaah… Aaah…

Why do we never get an answer,
When we’re knocking at the door?
Because the truth is hard to swallow,
That’s what the war of love is for….

I’m looking for someone to change my life,
I’m looking for a miracle in my life.
And if you could see,
What it’s done to me,
To lose the love I knew,
Could safely lead me through.

Old hippies will likely remember that song. Have a listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wDHvmCVRxU&list=RDBzij950LLZg&index=5

But I want to speak to one more album from the Moody Blues, in a sort of after-the-fact fashion. Every Good Boy Deserves Favour was released in mid-1971. The song “You Can Never Go Home” had these lyrics:

I don’t know what I’m searching for

I never have opened the door

Tomorrow might find me at last

Turning my back on the past

But, time will tell, of stars that fell
A million years ago

It can be heard here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bzij950LLZg&list=RDBzij950LLZg&start_radio=1

I particularly remember this album: I bought it and 2 other albums in mid-August 1971 in Madison, Wisconsin. A friend had driven me there from my small town 2 ½ hours away. But I never did get to listen to it back then. Only years later did I get to hear what was on that album.

The reason is this: When I got back to my hometown, I peddled to a friend’s place on my bike with the albums and a newly acquired bag of psilocybin to get high on. But then my life turned around. I got stopped by an old hippy friend who had just become a Christian. She started witnessing to me and I never made it to my friend’s house. The next day I hitchhiked with her to a Christian commune in the mountains of New Mexico.

That was the start of my Christian journey when I was 18 ½ years old. I have told that story elsewhere for those interested in more details: https://billmuehlenberg.com/2012/06/27/coming-home-my-testimony-part-1/

Years later, with the help of the internet, I finally did get to listen to that album. Whether band members ever did find what they were looking for I do not know. Whether any of them did become Christians I do not know, but I suppose a quick online search might answer those questions, at least to some extent.

But my point is this: I was searching, somewhat, but all my searching did was lead me down wrong paths and to dead ends. It was God who really must get full credit for when I finally got right with him through Christ. I hope that those in the Moody Blues and other groups back then also came to Christ as their saviour and redeemer.

He is the one who draws us to himself. He is the one who seeks and save us. As Jesus said of his mission in Luke 19:10: “The Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost”. I was calling out as a teenager, “I’m looking for someone to change my life, I’m looking for a miracle in my life” as Justin Hayward of the Moody Blues wrote.

But left to my own devices, I never would have found him. He found me. What a wonderful saviour.

[1406 words]