Green Marriage

No, not gay marriage – green marriage. Yep. You heard me right. Now that the radicals have destroyed marriage altogether, there is no reason why anyone or anything should be out of bounds when it comes to tying the knot. So if the object of your love is nature, or mother earth, or a blade of grass, then just go for it.

And that is exactly what is happening. We now have earth lovers and eco-sexuals. I kid you not. With marriage now declared to be anything you want it to be by the militant homosexual lobby, then the sky – or the earth – is now the limit. Anything goes in the brave new world of pan-marriage.

Still don’t believe me? OK, so read this news item and decide for yourself. With a groovy title of “Green love blossoms” we read this: “They call themselves eco-sexuals – and the women who got married to the environment say they enjoy caressing rocks, admiring earth’s curves and finding their ‘e-spots’. And no, they’re not joking.

“More than 40 brides said their vows to Mother Nature on Sunday in a bid to tempt more people to respect their surroundings. Mt Ommaney bride Tegan Dawson was one of them. She said her connection with mother earth ran deep. ‘You have to have a passion for the environment for the sake of future generations,’ she said. ‘There’s a need for more awareness about preserving trees and natural habitats.’

“Ms Dawson defended the wedding from its critics. ‘If people want to attach a negative or dirty image to it then that’s there problem,’ she said. ‘I’m looking forward to the wedding – it’s nice to have a wedding without a groom.’ Wedding organiser June Hintz said the inaugural event, which attracted more than 1000 people, encouraged discussion about environmental issues such as koala extinction and coal gas exploration licences.

“‘We want to recognise and engage people’s empathy for the earth,’ she said. ‘We think it is important to shift the metaphor from “earth as mother” to “earth as lover”.’ Ms Hintz encouraged more women to find their ‘e-spots’. ‘Try some eco-exercises such as tree-hugging, licking rocks, carbon kissing and learn how to love the Earth and this can make your love grow to enormous proportions’.”

So there you have it folks. Got a kinky thing for cactus plants? Fancy a bit of rock salt? Into river beds? Do you groove on rolling meadows? Is your thing mud puddles? Well no probs – these are all now legitimate objects of matrimonial affection.

And why ever not? The homosexual lobby has taught us so very clearly that marriage has absolutely nothing to do with all that repressive and discriminatory one-man, one-woman baloney. It is all up for grabs now. After all, we don’t want to deny anyone their rights.

We don’t want to be intolerant, bigoted and old-fashioned now do we? We want everyone to be happy and to be able to do whatever they desire. We want to be free of bigotry, discrimination and nasty old prejudices. And above all, we want marriage equality – real marriage equality.

If I have the hots for a mountain stream or a batch of cockroaches, why should the government or ugly religious groups deny me my rights? I should be allowed to marry whoever or whatever I want any time, any day, anywhere, and for any reason.

After all, that is the clear message which we have been taught by the homosexual activists. So let’s be consistent here, and stop all forms of cruel inequality. Lovers of the world – literally – unite. It is time to cast aside your chains and embrace who you really are.

If you are in love with nature, well, obviously nature made you that way. If I am in love with my watermelon patch, then clearly I was born that way and cannot help it. Why deny me my true love? How can anyone be so bigoted and mean-spirited?

So again, please take your hats off to our homosexual predecessors. They have so wonderfully blazed the trail and prepared the way. Now real love can blossom in a million different forms, and we will all be the richer for it. Congrats to the homosexual pioneers who have brought us now to this liberating place.

Without them, we would still be back in the dark old days when the concept of marriage was only about just one man and one woman. How archaic and down-right nasty. It is so good to be free. Hey, I am going to wed my favourite peat bog tomorrow. I hope you all can make it. It will be so, well, natural and organic – just as it ought to be.

And if anyone objects, simply throw out the line we hippies used to use: “Don’t panic, it’s organic!”

[804 words]

21 Replies to “Green Marriage”

  1. Bill,

    For a minute i thought you were going to cover something related to the ‘ecosex’ natural family planning campaign. Haha.

    I suppose being married to the earth is a lot like nuns taking vows to be married to christ / the church, although monastic traditions don’t directly blaspheme marriage the way these people apparently are…

    Alison Keen

  2. Thanks Alison

    I guess one good thing about marrying the earth is if you want to get a divorce and remarry you can recycle at the same time.

    Bill Muehlenberg, CultureWatch

  3. Hello Bill,

    These really are loony times we live in. The sad part is that those participating in this eco nonsense actually believe it and take it seriously. I pity them and pray for their return to the truth.

    Alison, please refrain from attacking manastic traditions. Monasticism is found in many religions, not just the Catholic that you are clearly having a go at. As a person who has spent time in monastaries, I still now can only scratch the surface of the faith and prayer to which monastics dedicate their lives. Being a “Bride of Christ” is a spiritual and life giving commitment that clearly you do not comprehend. There is no comparison between the two. I don’t think this is an appropriate site for making fun of Catholics.
    Frank Norros

  4. For a moment there, Bill, I thought you had decided to become a comedian… until I read the actual article!

    I still don’t know whether to collapse uttering maniacal guffaws… or to cry.

    Dominic Baron, NZ

  5. So in other words its ba’al worship by just a different name. The Bible did tell us those who follow God’s word would become few and far between, so this is of no suprise. The only thing is to continue to stand up and be strong Christians, although it will get you kicked off a number of blogs and forums (personal experience).

    Neil Waldron

  6. Thanks Neil

    Yes quite right. ALl this is really a return to paganism. As Chrsitianity is rejected, a vacuum exists, and the old ugly pagan worldview once again raises its head, along with all the ugly practices that go with it.

    Bill Muehlenberg, CultureWatch

  7. It’s a good thing I read this article after I ate breakfast. I’m shocked and appalled, but not surprised about this sort of thing going on.
    Ross McPhee

  8. Thanks Ross

    Yes sadly we have crossed the line long ago and these things will only continue to get worse, unless we start to stand up and be counted here.

    Bill Muehlenberg, CultureWatch

  9. A woman wrote this over 120 years ago, sounds a bit relevant.
    “The warnings of the word of God regarding the perils surrounding the Christian church belong to us today. As in the days of the apostles men tried by tradition and philosophy to destroy faith in the Scriptures, so today, by the pleasing sentiments of higher criticism, evolution, spiritualism, theosophy, and pantheism, the enemy of righteousness is seeking to lead souls into forbidden paths”
    Greg Sadler

  10. OK Loopy is the word.

    On Sunrise this morning, it was mentioned that IVF experts were warning single women to settle with ‘Mr OK’ instead of waiting until later in their life, to conceive with the assistance of IFV technology (which was not successful in these instances).

    They should have mentioned the other options available. For instance, marry the earth…..and go and reproduce with a tree!!

    Jane Petridge

  11. So, now what is the word that explains the concept of a life long committed relationship between a man and a woman exclusively, that would normally be expected to produce children, and provide for them, a secure, stable and balanced relationship, and role models for father and mother?

    Blowed if I know. Might have to invent one.

    We might also have to think about the special legal status that such a relationship should attract.

    Bruce Knowling

  12. Ms Dawson sums it up when she says “I’m looking forward to the wedding – it’s nice to have a wedding without a groom”. We heard recently of people “marrying” stones or fences. It’s a sad reflection of our times that women want the “rite of passage” of a wedding but “don’t want the man. They may have stunning natural beauty, may have a fulfilling career but then find they wind up lonely and alone, and no matter how atractive they look, often they are avoided by men, as some subliminal message is being transmitted from them that is “high maintenance” and unappealing. So using lateral thinking, they devise their own self-styled alternative which can do without men and deflect society from the annoying question “when are you going to get married?” It’s a tragedey that’s unfolding. You can love our planet dearly but there is no need to marry it, it was here long before us and will hopefully be here long after us. It’s true that you can be alone in the wild beauty of our planet and not feel lonely and you can connect to the transcendental which can of itself bring happiness and contentment. Then there’s the other option of marrying a man, which might not be so easy!
    Rachel Smith

  13. There may be another side to this that we have missed.
    Marriage as we know it and want it to be now appears to be such a failure that perhaps we can’t blame them for looking at an arrangement that they can control – rather than one where there is a strong ‘expectation’ of failure.
    Perhaps we should see that when we point the finger at them and say ‘how stupid’ we should see the three fingers pointing back at us that say – ‘What have you done to uphold the institution’ – Have we let marriage be so ‘destroyed’ that it now appears valueless.
    Sorry to burst the bubble – but there is always a reason people turn away and seek alternatives – whether that be someone of the same sex or a tree.
    The people turned to Baal because they thought they had been abandoned – The church has abandoned GOD so much that there is little difference between it and the world. And indeed between Christian marriages and civil partnerships for that matter.
    That may well be why we see this tragedy unfolding.
    Peter Stokes

  14. Thanks, Peter.
    I am reminded here of 1 Peter 4:17-18
    “For it is time for judgment to begin at the household of God, and if it begins with us first, what will be the outcome for those who do not obey the gospel of God?
    ‘And if it is with difficulty that the righteous are saved, what will become of the Godless man and the sinner?'” (v.18 quoting Prov.11:31).
    Apostasy in the churches incurs God’s judgment first of all, because from there iniquity flows out to the community and nation at large. The moral state of the nation is at best only a reflection of the church, and if the latter is corrupt, then the former will be even more so. That is why I firmly believe we are witnessing that judgment right now: the doomed West both is suffering and will suffer that judgment; both church and nation will go down to Hell and oblivion. The question to ask therefore is, “What part have I played in this dismal scenario, whether by commission or omission?”
    Murray R. Adamthwaite

  15. You can have your watermelon patch. I collect orchid species and I assure you there’s a lovely deep magenta Cattleya violacea I’m fond of. And the perfume is heavenly, too! More seriously, if those “eco-sexuals” want to connect to Mother Nature then let them try a malarial swamp in New Guinea or wait on the beach in Aceh for the next tsunami.
    John Snowden

  16. Frank Norros,

    I didn’t mean to insult monastic traditions, I was merely (attempting to) make an observation. I apologise if it appears to be an attack on such, it wasn’t intended to be a sarcastic comment. I have much respect for people who commit their life in this way.

    In drawing a parallel I was only noting that the imagery of ‘marriage’ being applied in a contemplative context is similar in that there is a bride, but the groom is not a mere man – Christ is much more than a mere man. You’re right to point out that the commitment of a monk or nun is far deeper than the mockery of commitment discussed in the article, I clearly missed that.

    Again, no sarcasm intended.

    Alison Keen

  17. Hi Bill

    A few months ago I saw a doco about people who were ‘in love with’ inanimate objects such as the Berlin Wall or the Eiffel tower. Weird stuff to say the least..

    Just shows that sin is gaining quite a grip on some people’s lives. If anything these ‘green newlyweds’ need a lot of prayer.

    Jonathan Faggotter

  18. Just your garden variety paganism, which is very popular and spreading faster than any other religion in the western world. Forget the Muslims, it is paganism that is taking over – new age twaddle / “spirituality” is how it starts, lots of people in mainstream churches who are Christians are led astray when they are going through grief or difficult times. So what are we doing wrong that people are looking elsewhere for sacredness and spiritual comfort. I personally like reading the devotional books of Christians from about the Middle Ages. The average Protestant church has no sacredness, that’s why young people are looking it in the new age stuff or the “quasi-religous” ceremonies on Anzac Day especially at Gallipoli. My opinion.
    Louise Bingen

  19. Where does it end?

    What about those Japanese guys who try to marry robots or inanimate drawings of manga characters? Can a fictional character consent? And could one share property with a robot?

    Howard Beale

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

%d bloggers like this: