No, not gay marriage – green marriage. Yep. You heard me right. Now that the radicals have destroyed marriage altogether, there is no reason why anyone or anything should be out of bounds when it comes to tying the knot. So if the object of your love is nature, or mother earth, or a blade of grass, then just go for it.
And that is exactly what is happening. We now have earth lovers and eco-sexuals. I kid you not. With marriage now declared to be anything you want it to be by the militant homosexual lobby, then the sky – or the earth – is now the limit. Anything goes in the brave new world of pan-marriage.
Still don’t believe me? OK, so read this news item and decide for yourself. With a groovy title of “Green love blossoms” we read this: “They call themselves eco-sexuals – and the women who got married to the environment say they enjoy caressing rocks, admiring earth’s curves and finding their ‘e-spots’. And no, they’re not joking.
“More than 40 brides said their vows to Mother Nature on Sunday in a bid to tempt more people to respect their surroundings. Mt Ommaney bride Tegan Dawson was one of them. She said her connection with mother earth ran deep. ‘You have to have a passion for the environment for the sake of future generations,’ she said. ‘There’s a need for more awareness about preserving trees and natural habitats.’
“Ms Dawson defended the wedding from its critics. ‘If people want to attach a negative or dirty image to it then that’s there problem,’ she said. ‘I’m looking forward to the wedding – it’s nice to have a wedding without a groom.’ Wedding organiser June Hintz said the inaugural event, which attracted more than 1000 people, encouraged discussion about environmental issues such as koala extinction and coal gas exploration licences.
“‘We want to recognise and engage people’s empathy for the earth,’ she said. ‘We think it is important to shift the metaphor from “earth as mother” to “earth as lover”.’ Ms Hintz encouraged more women to find their ‘e-spots’. ‘Try some eco-exercises such as tree-hugging, licking rocks, carbon kissing and learn how to love the Earth and this can make your love grow to enormous proportions’.”
So there you have it folks. Got a kinky thing for cactus plants? Fancy a bit of rock salt? Into river beds? Do you groove on rolling meadows? Is your thing mud puddles? Well no probs – these are all now legitimate objects of matrimonial affection.
And why ever not? The homosexual lobby has taught us so very clearly that marriage has absolutely nothing to do with all that repressive and discriminatory one-man, one-woman baloney. It is all up for grabs now. After all, we don’t want to deny anyone their rights.
We don’t want to be intolerant, bigoted and old-fashioned now do we? We want everyone to be happy and to be able to do whatever they desire. We want to be free of bigotry, discrimination and nasty old prejudices. And above all, we want marriage equality – real marriage equality.
If I have the hots for a mountain stream or a batch of cockroaches, why should the government or ugly religious groups deny me my rights? I should be allowed to marry whoever or whatever I want any time, any day, anywhere, and for any reason.
After all, that is the clear message which we have been taught by the homosexual activists. So let’s be consistent here, and stop all forms of cruel inequality. Lovers of the world – literally – unite. It is time to cast aside your chains and embrace who you really are.
If you are in love with nature, well, obviously nature made you that way. If I am in love with my watermelon patch, then clearly I was born that way and cannot help it. Why deny me my true love? How can anyone be so bigoted and mean-spirited?
So again, please take your hats off to our homosexual predecessors. They have so wonderfully blazed the trail and prepared the way. Now real love can blossom in a million different forms, and we will all be the richer for it. Congrats to the homosexual pioneers who have brought us now to this liberating place.
Without them, we would still be back in the dark old days when the concept of marriage was only about just one man and one woman. How archaic and down-right nasty. It is so good to be free. Hey, I am going to wed my favourite peat bog tomorrow. I hope you all can make it. It will be so, well, natural and organic – just as it ought to be.
And if anyone objects, simply throw out the line we hippies used to use: “Don’t panic, it’s organic!”