PETA and Further Scenes from the Passing Madness

Of the making of public insanities there is no end, it seems. Each passing day brings more examples of idiocy from our intellectualoids, elites and activist groups. There is never a shortage of examples of moonbeams concocting some new scheme to save the world, or devising some plot to bring heaven to earth.

Consider a case involving those animal-loving zealots who come up with great ideas every few months. (The fact that the group counts Pamela Anderson as one of its members explains a few things.) What I read in today’s papers is a case so amazing that it just takes a bit of time to let it all sink in. It really is mind-boggling.

Indeed, this story has got to take the cake. It is a prime example of when the looney tunes start calling the shots, it’s time to head for the hills. It concerns our good friends at PETA who want to have ice cream made from human breast milk. I kid you not. Here is how the story goes:

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals sent a letter to Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, cofounders of Ben & Jerry’s Homemade Inc., urging them to replace cow’s milk they use in their ice cream products with human breast milk, according to a statement recently released by a PETA spokeswoman.

“PETA’s request comes in the wake of news reports that a Swiss restaurant owner will begin purchasing breast milk from nursing mothers and substituting breast milk for 75 percent of the cow’s milk in the food he serves,” the statement says. PETA officials say a move to human breast milk would lessen the suffering of dairy cows and their babies on factory farms and benefit human health.

“The fact that human adults consume huge quantities of dairy products made from milk that was meant for a baby cow just doesn’t make sense,” says PETA Executive Vice President Tracy Reiman. “Everyone knows that ‘the breast is best,’ so Ben & Jerry’s could do consumers and cows a big favor by making the switch to breast milk.” In a statement Ben and Jerry’s said, “We applaud PETA’s novel approach to bringing attention to an issue, but we believe a mother’s milk is best used for her child.”

Well, there you have it. In order to help out those poor cows, we are all going to have to make some small sacrifices around here. But hey, it’s a great cause, and we should all be willing to throw our support behind this one. It could radically change our planet, after all.

So next time you head to your favourite ice cream parlour, and they ask you what flavour you would like, simply reply with these words: “Make mine a double mocha almond delight with breast milk thanks.” Or maybe, “I’ll have the breast milk deluxe, with peppermint, caramel crunch”.

Great idea PETA. Why didn’t we think of it sooner? Of course there is one small problem that comes to mind here: just where is all of this breast milk supposed to come from? Will PETA mount a campaign to urge mums to sell their milk to ice cream shops? How much will a litre sell for? And it seems a bit discriminatory against dads. I’m sure they want to do their bit as well for bovine betterment.

And maybe we can tinker with mum’s DNA, so that the milk produced comes with a few extra flavours already built in. Surely science and technology can tweak things a bit so that mum can produce strawberry-flavoured milk, or perhaps pralines ‘n cream milk.

Nice idea about the milk buying and selling. But another slight problem: will PETA encourage women to get pregnant just so that they can lactate, and help our ice cream industry to be more ethical? Will women become pregnant in great numbers to help make a few quick bucks on the side? I suppose it makes sense. After all, we all need a bit of extra moolah for life’s various expenses. Hey, we all need some extra money so we can take the kiddies out for an ice cream cone treat, right?!

So far so good. But another minor downside comes to mind: what about the real purpose of pregnancy: babies? What do we do with all those unwanted side-products of the ethical ice cream revolution?

PETA is great on animal rights. I have not heard them talk much about the rights of unborn babies however. I guess they will not mind adding some more millions to the annual abortion stats. At least we can be kind to the cows. Better to work toward some bovine beneficence than to get all hot and bothered about much more mundane things, such as the rights of unborn babies I guess.

Well, I for one can’t wait till I next get to Baskin-Robbins. Just knowing that all my bovine buddies will be less stressed will certainly help me sleep better at nights. I will feel a bit bad for all those worn-out mums, however, sweating away on their breast pumps all day to keep PETA happy and to do their bit for the vital cause of animal liberation.

But to save the world, we all have to do our bit. So women of the world: unite, you only have your babies to lose in the cause of creating cowtopia.

[898 words]

9 Replies to “PETA and Further Scenes from the Passing Madness”

  1. Ice cream made from “milk that was meant for a baby cow”? Don’t these ignoramuses at PETA know that dairy cows are bred for unusually high milk production and if the calf was to drink all that milk it would burst? Better to save the poor calf from getting all bloated with milk and for humans to eat more ice cream I say!

    Ewan McDonald.

  2. Another announcement in todays paper seems equally as stupid to me.
    A local council wants to start testing dog poop for DNA so that they can track down the irresponsible owners of said dogs.
    Now I dislike dog poop in the park as much as anybody else but really, doesn’t this council have better things to do with its money? In fact with our money. Mothers milk in ice cream. Dog poop DNA. Welcome to todays world.
    Warwick Murphy

  3. Great find Bill!
    Considering that PETA supposedly out to protect animals, why are they proposing something that will actually harm cows, and even put them at risk of death?
    A dairy cow that doesn’t get milked retains the milk in its udder. If not milked, the milk in the udder collects bacteria. This in turn causes soreness, and worse, infection. If left untreated tumors can arise and, as a consequence, the death of the animal.
    Then again, this latest ridiculous idea from PETA makes about as much sense as their past ideas.
    Anh Nguyen

  4. For an organization that claims to like animals so much, PETA sure does kill a lot of them.
    James Swanson

  5. Did I say I was thinking of joining PETA? No, the other one – People Eating Tasty Amimals!

    Ewan McDonald.

  6. I would be encouraging people to stay away from the Swiss restaurant because it seems that a higly contagious outbreak of stupidity has occured. Hopefully they can find a cure without needing to experiment on too many humans.
    Lyle Hutchinson

  7. You can’t parody this stuff — it’s its own parody!

    Eating Meat Is Prejudice Against Animals, Says Group

    For Immediate Release:
    15 October 2008
    Chicago — After learning that Chicago’s Social Justice High School is planning on opening a Pride Campus, PETA fired off a letter to Assistant Principal Chad Weiden urging him to institute a vegetarian-only menu at the new school.

    “Oppression–regardless of the species or sexual orientation of the victim–is dead wrong,” says PETA Director of Media Relations Michael McGraw. “To truly succeed in teaching tolerance and fighting oppression, the Pride Campus needs to keep prejudice out of its classrooms and off its plates.”

    PETA’s letter to Assistant Principal Chad Weiden follows. For more information, please visit or click here.

    October 15, 2008

    Chad Weiden, Assistant Principal
    Social Justice High School

    Dear Mr. Weiden:

    On behalf of PETA and our more than 2 million members and supporters, congratulations on the upcoming opening of Social Justice High School—Pride Campus. As an openly gay man myself, I recognize that you are in a unique position to demonstrate the importance and value of thinking critically about our choices and interactions with traditionally oppressed groups. That’s why I hope that you will take it a step further and embrace this opportunity by offering only vegetarian fare at the new Pride Campus.

    It is only because of prejudice that animals killed for food on today’s factory farms suffer miserable lives and nightmarish deaths. Their feelings are entirely discounted, even though they experience fear, love, grief, joy, and pain, just as all of us do. They are torn from their families and denied every natural urge, forced to live in cramped, filthy warehouses for their entire lives. They will never feel the warmth of the sun on their backs, smell fresh air, or play. Believe it or not, in our “enlightened society,” chickens and turkeys’ throats are cut while they are still conscious, and they are often scalded to death in defeathering tanks. Pigs’ tails and testicles are cut off without any painkillers. When fish are dragged from the ocean depths, they undergo decompression—which causes their internal organs to rupture—before they suffocate.

    Leaders of social justice movements have historically recognized that the liberation of one oppressed group is linked to the liberation of other groups. Steven Simmons, a PETA staffer and gay rights activist who died of AIDS back in the mid ’90s, wrote, “It’s time for us to end this hierarchy of who has the right to live, who deserves not to suffer, who should be respected, [the idea] that there’s a limit to the amount of compassion that we can have for our fellow creatures.” As you urge your school’s students to embrace each unique individual, won’t you also please encourage them to have compassion for today’s most vulnerable group—animals?

    We would be happy to arrange for a professional chef who has worked with major corporations to give your cafeteria staff free consultations on how to prepare tasty, healthy, and humane vegetarian meals. . Thank you for your consideration. We wish you every success.

    Very truly yours,

    Michael McGraw, Director of Media Relations

    But I am offended that he would discriminate against me based on my carnivorous orientation. I did not choose to be born this way, and I am disgusted by his offensive comments insinuating that my completely inborn carnivorous nature is the result of prejudice against the tasty, juicy animals I am forced by my nature to eat—and after all, they are made of meat! He does not demand that the bear give up salmon, or that the lion not hunt the wildebeest!

    Jonathan Sarfati, Brisbane

  8. ha ha, oh dear! I actually thought PETA stood for People Eating Tasty Animals anyway lol. Heres one from another extremist animal lib group that you may enjoy. The RSPCA are seeking to fine dog owners in the Gold Coast QLD Australia if they do not walk their dog EVERYDAY! Now with all due respect to the RSPCA they thankfully have and do some great work, but as is usual with most animal lib groups, their ideology is to have us in the dog kennel licking our food out of a backyard bowl and our animals eating at our dinner table, another reason why bringing these issues to light and commenting on them is ever so important, thanks for another great article.
    Dorian Ballard

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