I Identify As… Whatever

It is now official: reality does NOT exist. Progressive Westerners early in the 21st Century have decided this is the case – and that is the end of the matter. There is now no such thing as reality. There is only what I want things to be. End of story. If you don’t like that, you are a narrow-minded and hate-filled bigot.

If life on planet earth should continue, one day we will look back at this time in the West’s history as the darkest, most bizarre, and most insane period ever. Normal people will look back and wonder what they were putting in the drinking water. But whether the West survives that long is an open question.

Consider the latest case of trans madness. Now we have an old man who is legally challenging his age. I kid you not, and it may not be surprising that this bizarre case comes from the Netherlands. Here is how one news item runs with this story:

A pensioner has begun a legal battle to be recognised as being 20 years younger than his actual age so he can go back to work and achieve greater success with women on Tinder. Emile Ratelband, 69, argues that if transgender people are allowed to change sex, he should be allowed to change his date of birth because doctors said he has the body of a 45-year-old.

The entrepreneur and self-help guru is suing his local authority after they refused to amend his age on official documents. Mr Ratelband’s case has now gone to a court in the city of Arnhmen in the eastern Dutch province of Gelderland. The case has caused controversy in his homeland, with the Dutch edition of Vice, a news website, asking, “Is Emile Ratelband disturbed or accidentally extremely woke?”

Mr Ratelband was born on 11th March 1949, but says he feels at least 20 years younger and wants to change his birth date to 11th March 1969. Mr Ratelband said: “I have done a check-up and what does it show? My biological age is 45 years. “When I’m 69, I am limited. If I’m 49, then I can buy a new house, drive a different car. I can take up more work. When I’m on Tinder and it say I’m 69, I don’t get an answer. When I’m 49, with the face I have, I will be in a luxurious position.”

The only other thing more scary than all this is the fact that a Dutch court is actually hearing the matter. As it says in the article, “The court is due to deliver a written ruling within four weeks.” Hmm, why do I suspect the court may actually go along with this guy?

But hey, who am I to judge? I have long identified as an ageless can of Dr Pepper. And who are you to judge how and what I self-identify as? As Mark Stein said about the Dutch case, ‘We’ve basically repealed the facts of life. So why not repeal your age? It would solve the pension crisis overnight as well.’

David Robertson has been on the same page with me on these issues for quite some time now, and his comments on the trans-age case reflect my own:

I have great news for you. Many of you have been under the false impression that I am a 56 year old Scottish minister with not much hair. This is just not true and I feel I should sue you for hate crime. I am in fact 36 with a full head of hair and I would like to identify as Chinese. I know you think this is a joke – but in a world where we can identify as whatever we want – in a world where a man who is born with XY chromosomes, has male genitalia and a male body can simply say he is a woman – against all the evidence (according to the UK and Scottish Governments)…why shouldn’t someone be allowed to identify as whatever age they like?

Yep, the loony trans-reality activists can say whatever they want, and we are all expected to just sit back and stay mum. Indeed, we are expected to applaud, support and celebrate whatever lunacy they come up with, and if we do not, we are obviously intolerant dinosaurs who are impeding progress and displaying our hate.

Of course none of this is new. We have had plenty of cases of folks claiming they are something they are not – even in terms of age. Three years ago I wrote about a Canadian man who caused a bit of a stir. One of the headlines went like this: “’I’ve gone back to being a child’: Husband and father-of-seven, 52, leaves his wife and kids to live as a transgender SIX-YEAR-OLD girl named Stefonknee”.

I discussed that moonbattery at the time here: https://billmuehlenberg.com/2015/12/15/when-folks-identify-as-brainless-nincompoops/

And when our major institutions, governments and businesses fully hop on board all this insanity, then you know the West is just about a goner. Consider this news item just in concerning one of Australia’s major banks:

Westpac employees will have access to up to four weeks of paid leave and a year of unpaid leave to make a gender transition under a new wages and conditions agreement. The new enterprise bargaining agreement also doubles paid parental leave from 10 to 20 weeks. Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander employees will be given access to three days for “Sorry Business”.

Compassionate leave has been increased to three days per occasion and a 3.25 per cent pay rise will be given to employees that earn up to $82,500. Finance Sector Union national assistant secretary Nathan Rees said Westpac was the first bank to have introduced transgender leave as far as he was aware. “It is a positive step,” he said.

Oh good grief. Hey Westpac, I got news for you: I identify as a multimillionaire who has stacks of cash in your bank. And I am coming to claim my loot. I am sure you will fully and happily accommodate me on all this. If not, I will out you for your ugly bigotry and hate.

Thanks Westpac – you made my day. So nice of you to cater to my self-identification. Oh, and I also identify as the CEO of Westpac, so in addition to claiming all my moolah, I also expect that you will cough up my salary from the past ten years as well.

Isn’t it great to identify as you will? It sure beats the repressive confines of boring and bigoted reality.

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20 Replies to “I Identify As… Whatever”

  1. Greetings Bill! I can’t stop laughing! Your articles are great but this is one of the best. I was howling with laughter and will be sending this on to others.
    Thank you for all you do for our Lord & Savior.


  2. You sound terribly age-phobic there, Bill. But I don’t feel this goes far enough; I declare we are all permanently 21 from now on. We must have ‘Vintage Eeekwallity™’ and councils and businesses will have to raise flags with the number 21 in at least 6 different colours and font styles, for earning maximum virtue signal points and maintaining acceptable social status. After all, ‘birthday orientation’ is real and ‘number conversion therapy’ must be banned – or politicians and other elitists will tell us we’re racist extremist Neo-nazis and the oceans will rise 100 metres, or something… We must see full application of human rights, except the unborn, they will still be untermenschen, and people must not be allowed within 150 metres of being harassed by microaggressions and cultural appropriations. /s

    It is a frightening thing to see all this secular madness take hold stronger and deeper, and people not realise why this matters to them. It matters, because if this continues ultimately one day all truth will be a forgotten concept. Absolutely anybody can make up absolutely anything. I echo the lament of Alexander Solzhenitsyn in reference to the Russian Revolution and the great and dreadful cost it delivered on those people: “Men have forgotten God; that’s why all this has happened.”

    He also said this, “All attempts to find a way out of the plight of today’s world are fruitless unless we redirect our consciousness, in repentance, to the Creator of all: without this, no exit will be illumined, and we shall seek it in vain. The resources we have set aside for ourselves are too impoverished for the task.” If truth is not considered something absolute and grounded ultimately in God, we will track towards hell on earth, categorically guaranteed.

    Signed, your not-too-young, not too-old Majestic Prime Minister President Good Guy King Mark The Righteous (also my preferred pronoun).

  3. I intend to amend my birthdate to 1938. I will then be able to retire from work and get a pension.

  4. Apparently that man in Holland has been well-known for many years for getting up to all sorts of stunts to keep his name in the papers. The Dutch people are sick of him, this is just his latest thing.

  5. The Death of Common Sense
    Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

    He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
    Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
    Why the early bird gets the worm;
    Life isn’t always fair,
    and maybe it was my fault.

    Common sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults are in charge not children).

    His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of an 8 year old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

    Common sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

    Common sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

    Common sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

    Common sense finally gave up the will to live, after a women failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

    Common sense was preceded in death, by
    His parents, truth and trust
    His wife, discretion
    His daughter, Responsibility
    His son, reason.

    He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers
    I know my rights
    I want my rights
    I want it now
    I’m a victim.

    Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

    This is a modified version of a text that is originally attributed to Lori Borgman.

  6. Good on him. It is obviously a spoof on the system. Every sane person should push hard on this “identify-as-I-like” pile of garbage to make it fall over. If thousands of guys jumped in and did women’s sport I think there might be more than a few women who sit up and go “Wait a minute, I don’t go along with this any more…”
    Yes, PLEASE women. It’s your call. Complain!

  7. Ross McPhee – Sounds like a Monty Python sketch…. Yeah, Ministry of Silly Walks could now be Ministry of Silly Genders. Oh wait, it is already being played out in real life… No need for John Cleese to do it.
    Jo Deller – Nice.

  8. Hi Bill, a few days ago I left a message about how hilarious I found your article. I did want to add one more thing. I take very seriously what’s happening in our public school’s in America. It is so diabolical and evil the curriculum they are forcing on our innocent school children — some as young as 5 years of age. Won’t go into detail here. You have written about it and you are to be commended for being a “Watchmen on the Wall” for our Lord. How desperately we need more like you in our churches. Two nights a week I gather with other Christians and pray this evil will “cease & desist” in Jesus Holy Name.

    Thank you for your courage ,

    Louise : )

  9. I love the last line… Isn’t it great to identify as you will? It sure beats the repressive confines of boring and bigoted reality.

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