Statutory Marriage: Object-Lovers Unite!

OK, so how much longer do we have to put up with all this bigotry, narrow-mindedness and intolerance? When will all this hatred and lack of acceptance end, and we start allowing real love to flourish? Marriage equality should be for everyone, not just the bigots.

We see in today’s press another horrific example of how intolerant bigotry is alive and well. Once again true love is being denied and ignoramuses are making this poor woman feel like a second class citizen. Worse yet, she of course was born this way and cannot help it, so this ugly discrimination becomes even more unacceptable.

The story goes like this: “A woman who holds a flame for the Statue of Liberty has paid another visit to her long-distance ‘lover’ and confessed that just touching the monument gave her an orgasm. Amanda Whittaker, from Leeds, England, flew to New York last week to spend time with the statue, which she says she has fallen in love with. The 27-year-old shop assistant, who refers to the monument affectionately as Libby, described the reunion as ‘sexually and emotionally fulfilling.’

“Amanda suffers from an unusual condition called objectum sexuality, whereby she falls in love with inanimate objects instead of people. Talking to British newspaper, The Sun, Amanda said it seemed there was lightning between her and ‘Libby’ on her latest visit.  ‘I was overwhelmed with emotional and sexual excitement. When I saw her I almost cried,’ she said. ‘Libby satisfies my lovemaking needs,’ Amanda added.

“Amanda told the paper she felt the statue hugging her back and, as shocked tourists looked on, she cried out her love for ‘Libby’. For her fifth visit to the statue, Amanda read out a poem she had penned, spent hours talking to her and vowed she would remain faithful to her. The 27-year-old also explained that she visited this time because the statue is currently being restored so ‘needed’ Amanda.

“Amanda, who recently changed her surname to Liberty by deed poll, became infatuated with the world-famous monument in 2007, after a friend posted a picture online of herself with the 151ft copper statue. She has also installed a shrine to the landmark in her Leeds home to show her love for it, an interview with The Sun revealed in March.

“The woman, who confesses to a passionate love affair with a drum kit in her teens, says that she is not ‘weird’ but ‘unusual’ and just sees another side to objects. She even says she has thought about tying the knot with ‘Libby’ but opted not to ‘because so many others love her too’. Amanda has visited the statue in person five times, where she admits to caressing it and leaning out of a window to kiss its hair.

“And so she can have regular contact with her copper companion she has created a shrine to Libby in her home, with hundreds of miniature statues, and a 6ft replica in her bedroom. In recent years a number of people suffering with objectum sexuality have hit the headlines with their own unusual relationships. Erika Eiffel, an object-sexual, married Paris’s Eiffel Tower in 2007 while Eklöf Berliner-Mauer is believed to be the first person to go public with the condition, when she announced her love for a Swedish red fence.”

There you have it folks. It is clearly time to end all this unjust and bigoted discrimination against poor Amanda and others like her. This is the 21st century after all, so it is high time that we allow this poor woman to marry just like everyone else. It certainly is time to end unfair statuephobia. Marriage rights for all! End the discrimination now!

Objectphiliacs of the world unite – you have nothing to lose but your rather kinky chains!

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10 Replies to “Statutory Marriage: Object-Lovers Unite!”

  1. There have been some quite amazing developments in the press recently apropos the marriage debate. Three articles honest on the negative consequences of the decline in marriage;

    The Atlantic “Will the Decline in Marriage Mean a Decline in Political Powers for Mothers?”

    The Washington Post “20 years later, it turns out Dan Quayle was right about Murphy Brown and Unmarried Moms”;

    And NY Times “Two Classes, Divided by ‘I Do'”

    Quite surprising considering the latter two are particularly lefty rags.

    Damien Spillane

  2. Yes but the relationship is committed,consensual, enjoyable and safe. There you have it: the four criteria for any sexual relationship you care to think of. Simple!

    David Skinner, UK

  3. That woman just sounds seriously mentally ill, to me. The real problem lay in how the liberal faction is treating what is abnormal, as normal. Our mores and morals are becoming skewed in this broken-down secular society.

    You will note that more mentally ill people are fending for themselves on the streets, today, because the “powers that be” have insisted that incarcerating them in treatment facilities is not politically correct and infringes on their human rights, etc.

    Wrong is becoming a right — but “what is truth” in an increasingly secular world that no longer believes in absolutes?

    Monica Craver

  4. Can someone please explain the reason why nobody has decided that this woman is a danger to herself and potentially others and had her treated for her obvious mental disorder?

    Mario Del Giudice

  5. Sorry, but I think the people mentioned above are on the fringe, even in this day and age. They need help. Unlike gay ‘marriage’, one sad individual ‘marrying’ the Statue of Liberty is unlikely to have far-reaching negative consequences for society. I hesitate to say your article holds these people up to ridicule, but I do think your time could be better spent.

    Keep up the good work.
    David Williams

  6. Bill, I think some of your contributors have got this right. Its got little to do with the debate on so called “marriage equality”. As Christians we should feel compasionate towards this poor lady and anybody else who suffers from this “objectum sexuality”.
    Perhaps Monica C has answered Mario Del Giudice’s sensible question?
    This is not something we should joke about.
    John Bradford

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